can't wait..

thursday is the day.. my last final for the semester and i can't wait till i hand in that test. i need this time off to just relax, evaluate and think about my life ahead of me. its been so hectic that i have not even had time to stop and think about the date. its friggin decemeber already!! time has been flying. days have no real signifigance to me. they used to.. now that i have started my life as just me, its been weird. difficult for sure. so much runs in my crazy mind that sometimes i just loose it. like today i felt like i was on crack. literally, i was shaking, my heart was racing, i could not keep still. i guess that what i get for drinking monster. its absolutly craziness. anyways i wanted to write about the last thing i did in my speech class for this semester. so before we entered speech class, i was all tweaked out on monster and a wreck from putting together our project. so we do our project (score! we got an A!) and we finish the class with a free write. first she tells us to put a number on a peice of paper. i picked 7. then she tells us to write for ten minutes straight. to put down our current thoughts and feelings and random stuff we have going on in out life. no surprise what i ended up writing about. yup... well anyways the number we wrote down represented number of years. she wanted us to put the peice of paper in an envelope and mark it the number of years later from today. i wonder what my life would be like in that many years? who will i be spending my life with? what job will i have? what city would i be living in? itll definitely be weird to read that in 7 years from now. i poured my feeling out on that peice of paper. it was filled with so much anger, frustration and sadness. that pretty much sums up my current life. mainly frustrated. i have just been a wreck trying to find out what i want for myself. what i want it life. ifi want a girlfriend, if i wanna live in the bay area, if i need to change my life to feel again. all this and more is in my head right now. hmm.. well i need to just suck it up and live my life. and chase that paper...