3am..

weird ass day for real. i began my day with the feeling of content being alone. as my day progressed i received some texts and talked to several friends of mine. i know from the last time i talk to my homegirl from work she said she wanted to kick it with some other coworkers. so we exchanged texts all day to see what we would do. we ended up in the mission, going to medjool on their sky terrace. it was beautiful. there was a great view of the san fran skyline. it made me want to consider staying in the bay area. well anyways, all while we were kicking it at medjool i was getting texts from another homegirl of mine. she is an old classmate from grammar school and we recently been kicking it more often. she is super cute.. i mean like wow.. anyways she has been hitting me up but i am actually totally sure she does not dig me. i guess she likes that i don't wanna get in her pants. i think i am only acting this way because i can't open up to people yet and it just plain old sucks ass.

this is what i want to say to you:

i miss you. why does everybody say, "i know its hard."? fuck yeah its hard! can't i miss someone?! its like i have to forget about her. i should live a life without remembering her. fuck that shit, she means alot to me and i just cant do that.

i miss you. i really do. my heart is out for you to take or to break. i have decided to expose myself to you knowing very well of the consequences. you have literally permeated my memory to a point where i can forget about you. everypart of my life you continue to communicate to me. if you don't want me in your life anymore please tell me so i can be...