talk about posting later..

so yeah that weekend was a crazy and just so long ago. i feel as if my life is in slow motion when i want it to be in fast forward and vice versa. so that day of the christening was just all weird. well i think i just started to get tired after talking about picking up my sister from japantown, so i think i will pick up from there. so i pick my sister up and we head to the mall. so being totally on the ball, i buy a card for my cousin's kid. being in the rush i was in i hella get one where it looks like i'm a god parent. anyways, i hope my cousin and his lady didn't read that card too in depth and paid attention to the cash. from there we head to starbucks were i thought i was gonna get something that would wake my ass up. being the naturally drug tolerant person i was totally unaffected from my venti black tea with 5 pumps of hazelnut syrup. hmmm. so from there we go to pleasanton to my cousin's place then to my other cousin's place. luckily food was there and i was starving. i see my cousin from NY was doing well and all of us were just catching up with our lives. the drinking began and we just knocked out. it was cool seeing my fam and all but u just felt sort of just lost. the same feeling i get when i know i am missing something. i felt as if my ex was running through my head. she always is. its really taking a toll on me psychologically and i just get better on some days and worse on others. so we eat, we drink, we laugh, we play games and just knock out. nothing all that exciting.

we get up the next morning and just get ready. i was kinda feeling outta place. i felt as if we are all in different stages of our lives. and we just are not like we used to be. we weren't kids anymore. i felt we had a good time but just not as much as we used to. i trully love my cousins to death but it was sadly just kinda whatever to me. so we got ready and headed to the church. of course, with all the churches in the area, we end up in a place that is super familiar to me. it was the church my ex's cousin got married at. it brought back a lot of memories to me. i remember the wedding was on a friday afternoon. we were still in santa cruz and we were all dolled up. i had my lauren suit on and she had that awesome bright green dress that made her glow. she was looking for pretty, it was absoluty beautiful. we took pics and we were so cute. i had a matching tie and everything. so yeah, after class that day, we leave to san ramon and make it to the actual wedding about an hour too late =/. but we aririved nonetheless. we made an effort and just felt kinda brushed off my her fam. whatever though, we knew we tried. so yeah, that church was the same one. as i was sitting in the church waiting until the service started i looked around and saw a couple familiar faces at the families of the other babies. there was this couple i don't know too well but i have been acquainted with them on a couple occasions. these occasions just so happen to be with my ex and her car club. so yeah the chick was like looking at me every 2 minutes. i was feeling a lil uncomfortable but i tried not to let it bother me. she was there along with her man who i have met once or twice i beleive. anyways yeah that brought up more things in my mind that day. the entire time i was at the church i was just thinking in my mind all to myself. i was ver distant with many of the my family because all i could think about was the situation i was in. my mind was bouncing off the walls in that church and i was just glad to have left there. so from there, we headed to the reception and just did the party thing. started off with helping set up the hall. there were these cute cross and communion wafer white chocolate lollipop dealies that had sad something about christenings. i don't remember that all too much because i ate them waiting to eat that awesome catered filipino food. yeah so that sisig was money and the lechon was great. so it got me thinking about christenings and i remembered my mom and dad met at a christening. hmmm. love found at a family function. my mom was invited by a coworker to his son's christening and there was where my dad found my mom and just never stopped loving her. it makes me sad to think i thought i found love. well lemme reword that, love is something that can be found when you least expect it. i did find it, and it is absolutly wonderful. but in the mess that life throws at us, we can lose it. i have not yet found that in the relationship between myself and my ex. i have no words to really say to her. the words that i do have, i don't know if i should tell her just yet. but yes, christenings. it was just a sunday filled with family and loved ones. it was nice to be away from work and see these wonderful people in my life. reality hit me as we left the party. it was study time.

monday i had work but afterwards, i was in that library studying my ass off. after that i headed to my place to sleep in the empty apartment that i miss o so much. im blogging in the discomfort of my cold ass room my dad built last month. well the practical came and went and i was just off to the lirary after that test. it was nonestop studying and packing of little thngs. thursday rolls around, i take my exam and head to the apartment for more cleaning. it was just so exhausting and i was just so ready to just leave the place dirty as hell. anyways, work rolls around and it consumes my weekend. i felt as if i did nothing but work... it was haloween but it was pretty insignificant this year. i drank and forgot some of it. i have just been drinking to help with this depression but it just maked me numb for that moment. hmmm

soo tired though. goodnight world