sleepless...

there has not been one night where i have had a good nights sleep this past couple months. its insame to be running on such amount of sleep. the reasons i dont get enough sleep is because i either go out and drink my sorrows or it because i just think about her. even when i dont know it, she is there. my life is miserable. i go out and there is nothing. no feeling like being with her. its amazing that i am able to just type right now. im so tired of being tired and i am just disgusted with myself sometimes. i look at myself and i am not the guy i wanted to be. i hav become a monster and i have no clue where i actually went. its hard being alone. i just leave my body and it follows what everyone else does and says it should do. it not being controled by my heart. if it was i would have attempted to mend the broken heart of the real love of my life. but what is it in the back of my mind? its the thought that she is out there with other men messing around and loving it. i hate life... i must attempt to sleep now so i can go on with another pointless day. why am i living? its so sad, i feel as if i have no purpose...

i miss my turon...