breaking out of the norm..

so since this saturday i feel like a mew me kinda. first off i noticed that i am more adamant about going to the gym. i went yesterday and today, and was there on saturday. the next two days i am taking off on the gym. tomorrow is all about schoolwork. there is a quiz that i gotta get done for my physiology class and me and my homegirl wanna get that outta the way tomorrow. so thats for tomorrow and on thursday i seem pretty set on playing ball with one of my other classmates from school. he actually went to high school with me and my friends and we haven't seen him in a minute. that reminds me that i gotta send a happy b-day to one of my high school buddies. ok..

so what has really been on my mind is the fact that i saw my ex-girlfriend on saturday. i was extremely awkward being at her place. although i did not go to see her, i was just completely and utterly out of my mind when i was there. i went for a prayer/ celebration of a good friend and old roommate of ours in college. that whole situation just brought weird thoughts to my mind. it made me think that life could be cut short for anyone. he was doing just great, about to get married, moved into a place with his fiance just a couple weeks ago. anyways the prayer was good. we all reminisced about all the good times we had with him and it was beautiful and sad at the same time. those emotions combined with the ones that i had floating around in my head about my ex was just too much to handle. anyways, while i was there i seemed to have outkasted myself from everyone in the place. i had know about a third of the guests that had arrived but was just feeling... how do i say this... not myself when i was there. i was extremely uncomfortable being there. anyways as i was sitting in one of the chairs chillin in the corner kinda, i over hear a conversation with my ex's sister and a freind of my ex. i guess there she goes out all the time now. only god knows what actually happens then, but i was just extremly weirded out with her behavior. it was just not something i wanted to hear. she was doing great. she was out and about and having lots of fun. me on the other hand seem to have a problem with hearing all this and other things because i am dying when i hear all this. i am just, hmmm... ok anyways i have decided that i need to forget about her now. she is just fine and i just need to focus on me. i have been saying that to myself for the past couple of weeks and now i seem to finally be following it. so tired. so many sleepless nights. goodnight world, wish me luck in my dreams...