better.. much better..

so the thoughts of her have really subsided the past month or so. i don't really think about her as much as anymore. i used to just constantly become consumed with thinking about what she was doing for the entire day sometimes. now i have my priorities in place. well for the most part i do. im still pretty lazy but you know what i mean. i thought i would blog about the past week and the roller coaster it has been for me. so lets begin with last week. i had a lab report due last friday it literally took up all my time and i was just stressing out of my mind. so after the valentines day weekend i got right on it. we were in the library studying, writing up the lab it just did not come together as fast as i thought it would. it was nearly a photofinish. That friday after all the craziness came more craziness. so friday i had to work. that morning i did my online quiz for physiology, emailed the lab, and went straight to work. that night i really didn't sleep all that much, as far as i remember at least. anyways, after that day of work, i came home rested my head for a minute and looked at the clock. earlier that day i had made plans to meet up with my cousin in san jose. so i really didn't wanna go alone so i brought one of my good homegirls. i went from daly city to san leandro then to downtown san jose. we partied it up at capers loft aka loft bar and bistro. it was a coo place and as the night progressed i was like, wow hella azns.. haha.. anyways i attempted to dance with some ladies and it was somewhat successful. danced with her for a moment and it was not much else after that. i was able to get to know my homegirl alot more and vice versa. we are totally in a quarter-life crisis and it is just killing. we have no more significant others, grind all day at work.. it was the same shit, different day kinda deal. any ways this whole single thing was a new ballpark and i was finally more comfortable to approach the opposite sex. anyways the night was ok and we had decided to go home. we drove from sj to la pinata in san leandro (i think) and pigged out. what a journey that night was turning out to be. the night ended with a good nights rest of 2 hours for me. i had work at 6 am. yeah im crazy.. so that day was absolute hell and it just kicked my ass all over the place. as soon as my shift ended i went home and naped for like 5 hours. woke up, round 2. there was a going away party for another homegirl of mine. she is super random and she just decided to up and move to NY, queens to be exact. her vacation back in january went from a couple day trip to a month's long stay. during that time she was able to find a job, which is great to hear because of her unsuccess here in the bay area. anyways i woke up at like 9pmish and i was out and about once again in the city this time. we were kicking at this spot called bruno's in the mission. it was a real cool crowd. real mixed, not like the night before. i saw a bunch of folks and just partied it up as much we could. ooo and that night consisted of bacon wrapped hot dogs! delish.. aright so following the bar we headed to sparky's a diner off market in the castro area. it was pretty good. never been there and hit the spot. so i dropped off my friend afterwards and headed home for another tiny nap. 6am comes around and im back to work. that day was actually much better than the day before. worked it, went home and just remembered that i agreed to do a double on monday. wow, so slept woke up at 430am, worked at 6 and didnt end up leaving until 830pm. it was a doozy i tell you. i was tired. i also got an email from one of my coworkers about our plans to do mexico. looks like it wont happen, but anyways hope we do something fun. i know we will. but the reason she wont be able to make it is that her mom is having a hysterectomy. serious stuff.. so its totally understandable. family first. tuesday rolls arond, school, and mardi gras!! out to poleng. we had a couple beers before heading in and we had a pretty good time. them bam! for real a real freaking bam! chick fight. two more words. cocktail dresses.. wow. it was brutal. those girls were all over each other and hair and earings and shoes all over the place. wednesday rolls around. work, exahaustion, research paper. oo man i hate my procrastination. damn i also get a text from my home boy, laid off. it came as a big ass shock because it is happening. this recession is just affecting everyone in everyway possible. my mom too, someone on her floor got the boot too. its scary beacause the lady leaving was at the company longer than my mom and my mom has been there over 25 years. =/ thursday, school, so tiring. i cooked me some brown rice, chicken breast and boiled up some veggies. real health nut stuff. felt pretty good afterwards. didnt feel like gross at all and i was full. it was kinda nice. anyways, i hit the book after that. then the time flew. dinner with coworkers, gym, and here i am.. so tired i need sleep. i really do. as you can see this roller coaster of my life is filled with so many highs and lows. it just is so tiring. im still young and able to handle this lifestyle.

prolly one of the coolest valentines ever...

so aside from work, i did a lot yesterday. i had no plans whatsoever yesterday so i just went with the flow for this hallmark holiday. i got of work at 5 and decided even though its raining i think i'm gonna go to the big pillow fight in the embarcadero. wow was i glad i went. i met up at my friend's house near the daly city BART, had some henn and coke, BARTed it over to the spot and bladow! PILLOW FIGHT!!! it was hella fun. folks just randomly having a crazy ass pillow fight. would stayed a little longer if i didn't have plans and would talk to more girls if i wasn't so sober. so anyways that was super fun getting knocked in the face with pillows my randome strangers. i BARTed back home, got ready and headed to palo alto. mikaye's on university was a crazy experience. SAKE bombs!! wow never had so many in a short period of time. it was fun though i have to say. with some down ass friends and just partying it up as a single fellow. it was a friend of a friend's birthday and she was gonzo. i mean she had massive amounts of sake and from what i heard had been partying it up since thursday! trooper.. anyways we headed out shortly after sake bombing around palo alto and found our way to what i think is called "elbe"?! i dunno anyways, there were hella girls in this place, like hella. from what i could tell it was cool. the girls were there but i stuck to my friends and played it safe that night. my homegirl just kept announcing her drunkeness and it was just funny. hahah.. so after that we had JIB and i ended up having a money fight with that same homegirls about paying for our tacos. headed over to another one of our homegirls spot in mountain view, ate our JIB and watched "who framed roger rabbit" and fell asleep simultaneously.. woke up this morning like 9:30am and just chit chatted about youtube videos and stuff.. now im home and looking back at what looked like an excellent valentines day. yay for being single!

on the week of valentines..

so this year i have no valentines but what i do have are really cool friends. as we are all single, we are hopefully planning to have dinner next week thursday. i just sent and invite to them for the SF chefs first crab week where there are a bunch of bay area restaurants that feature crab on their menu for the week. i am not all that sure if this idea will fly with them but i thought i would be a good idea to do that since it is a limited time kinda thing. we were also looking to go to the slanted door which we hear is also a pretty good place to eat.

so i an totally on this other girls jock at work. she is super cute, nice teeth, cute petite little butt (i know shouldn't be looking but i do) and just a down ass chick. i think she is looking for a man for some strange reason. i get this vibe that she is jocking me. i dunno it may be me feeling confident from all the wokring out i have been doing but i just feel like she is attracted to me. as i am to her as well. she is cool. i just don't know how to go about asking her out. i have been thinking about things to do in the city like the SF ballet, museums, restaurants, shopping, etc.. to see what kind of things she is into. so far she is a mystery. its a challenge but a good thing i guess. i think i may be a too cool with her though. i am like the opposite of aggressive and its just killing me to see her just standing there. i do like her though. i also think i spilled too much baggage on her too. i told her the whole situation with my ex and my fam and it just kinda downs our relationship sorta. anyways i think i may be overthinking the situation too much. maybe i should just ask her out. im pretty sure she would be down so, what is there to lose.

ok well as for my lifestyle, its been work, school, gym, sleep and repeat. the gym is really making my confidence go up as well as my energy. so i shall post again later on my life.

currently stuck on the heinrich maneuver by interpol.
- on this tip of just letting go of her. feels bittersweet..

breaking out of the norm..

so since this saturday i feel like a mew me kinda. first off i noticed that i am more adamant about going to the gym. i went yesterday and today, and was there on saturday. the next two days i am taking off on the gym. tomorrow is all about schoolwork. there is a quiz that i gotta get done for my physiology class and me and my homegirl wanna get that outta the way tomorrow. so thats for tomorrow and on thursday i seem pretty set on playing ball with one of my other classmates from school. he actually went to high school with me and my friends and we haven't seen him in a minute. that reminds me that i gotta send a happy b-day to one of my high school buddies. ok..

so what has really been on my mind is the fact that i saw my ex-girlfriend on saturday. i was extremely awkward being at her place. although i did not go to see her, i was just completely and utterly out of my mind when i was there. i went for a prayer/ celebration of a good friend and old roommate of ours in college. that whole situation just brought weird thoughts to my mind. it made me think that life could be cut short for anyone. he was doing just great, about to get married, moved into a place with his fiance just a couple weeks ago. anyways the prayer was good. we all reminisced about all the good times we had with him and it was beautiful and sad at the same time. those emotions combined with the ones that i had floating around in my head about my ex was just too much to handle. anyways, while i was there i seemed to have outkasted myself from everyone in the place. i had know about a third of the guests that had arrived but was just feeling... how do i say this... not myself when i was there. i was extremely uncomfortable being there. anyways as i was sitting in one of the chairs chillin in the corner kinda, i over hear a conversation with my ex's sister and a freind of my ex. i guess there she goes out all the time now. only god knows what actually happens then, but i was just extremly weirded out with her behavior. it was just not something i wanted to hear. she was doing great. she was out and about and having lots of fun. me on the other hand seem to have a problem with hearing all this and other things because i am dying when i hear all this. i am just, hmmm... ok anyways i have decided that i need to forget about her now. she is just fine and i just need to focus on me. i have been saying that to myself for the past couple of weeks and now i seem to finally be following it. so tired. so many sleepless nights. goodnight world, wish me luck in my dreams...

if you don't already know..

im drunk.. =) so today i started it off with calling in sick to work. it was quite refreshing to just call in and say, "ooohh i'm not feeling well"... hahhah so i did that and went back to sleep. it was awesome. but in return i faced yet another problem. my friend from college had gotten into a car accident this past week and passed away. there was a prayer at, of all places, my ex-girlfriends apartment. it was an weird experience. we prayed the rosary and that in and of itself was a trip. as it was being prayed, not so many prayed along, so i was one of the lone prayers that followed along with it. as my luck would have it, my exgirlfriend was the leader. after all that prayer business, was when we all shared our thoughts and memories of our fallen homie. following that we just went about our business chit chatting it up with folks. as it was awkward for me being there, i naturally outkasted myself from everyone. i may have looked like a dick but i was just observing and thinking about the whole situation. i was really uncomfortable with this whole thing. i have not seen my ex in like almost 6 months. it was hard to be there with all that was going on. i was just at a lose for words so i left.

after i left i remembered, i had received a missed call from my other homeboy. UFC, main event as bj penn vs. gsp. it was dope. anyways i after the fight i called up my homegirl and we went to milk. pretty good time. spent like an hour there then headed home after an encounter with some acquaintances. after that im home now. ready to sleep. i prollu woulda wtoe more but im tired. love you world. good night