lonely

so i'm counting. its been 54 days since i last seen her. and it's been so hard. she doesn't even know that i miss her. that fact just kills me. i want to tell her how i feel, but things are just going to be exactly the same. i still don't feel like i'm ready to talk to her because i don't think i'm ready to get back with her. i'm not saying that is exactly what is going to happen but i just feel like thats a possibility, that i can't handle. but i'm just lonely nowadays. i sit at home all alone, watching tv. i try to make it out of this place but i end up just missing her. i talk to other girls when i'm out, but they don't mean as much as she did to me. i wake up imagining her next to me. its a sad and hard decision i have made and its truly killing me. i wish that she never did what she did. i know how great of a person she is. i know she loves me. i know she's dying without me. and so am i...