kinda lame...

well i just had one of the longest days ever today. let me begin with the events that had taken place tuesday night. so i had my speech class til about 915 or so. as soon as i get out of the dead zone that is my classroom, i get a text from my homeboy. he says that a bunch of folks are heading to our "cheers" bar. it was another one of our homie birthday. i really am not trying to be ghetto or anything so yeah, their my boys. anyways to continue with the story it was my boy, o dizzle's 25th birthday! i came a little later that other folks but we hav fun nonetheless. it started off with the small talk over beers, light beers to be exact. we're all single now and we're just looking out for the ladies. you know trying to be eye candy or whatever. hahah.. anyways we dominated the jukebow prolly playing 20bucks worth of songs. we played everthing from TLC to ah-ha to george michael to journey to mary j blige. we were jamming. me not being as drunk as everyone else, was not playing the role of lead singer in this boy bad. ahhah.. good times. anyways we had a good time and we all parted ways to our places. i get home and i sleep. this time i was just determined to sleep well and i insisted i have a dream. so i fall asleep and i do dream. it was short, but i do remember one thing. i was about her, my ex. it was me and her having sex and it was as if she could not enjoy it. what does that mean? everytime we did mess around she was all about it. i, on the other hand, was not always in the mood but would pleasure her and give her that fix. i guess i just don't have that strong of a sexdrive but i do enjoy it when i get to do it. anyways it was as if we switched places and it was kind of an awakening. i was incredible disappointed when i woke from the dream. was that what she was feeling everytime i felt that way? i wonder, hmmm... but yeah the was kinda lame and i just dwelled on that a little today. i should have done a lot in the relationship and i was just so cold for the last couple months of our relationship. i feel it was my fault for making her feel the way she feels. even though i feel i made mistakes, my feelings still haven't changed about her. i still love her, but i have no intention to get back into the relationship. whats killing me inside is the fact that she is prolly thinking i'm happy. i'm not, i'm exactly the opposite. i may be getting what needs to get done but i am certainly not happy. is happiness what i need though? maybe not right now..