strangest of feelings..

today i feel just all over the place. the one thing that i feel like i need is a solid support system. i need friends that are just always down. always hitting me up and seeing whats up with me. i feel as if i lost that feeling when i departed from my relationship. she was everything, she was that and then some. she loved me with a passion. she was down, and understanding and there for me all the time. i did my best to be that for her. i was not enough. i'm not drunk in any way at all and i still display these feelings of sadness and regret about me and her, after months and months have past, i still have something missing in my life. it sucks. i have learned to live with this but i can't get it out of my head. she is constantly in everything i do. when i wake up, when i'm working, when i drive, when i sleep.. its hard to live without her. she won't allow me in her life anymore. i just feel it. she is just ready for me to leave this planet that i share with her. i on the other hand just don't know what i want. she is great but can i live with what she has done. she did it to me and to herself. i dont know if i can go on feeling the way i feel for her with thoughts of her and another human being having interupted our life. im not angry anymore, just frustrated. just in such denile. im not scared of what is to come next, but i am scared of what i am leaving behind. it has been literally months since i have had a good nights sleep. the last i remembered i had a good nights sleep, i was pasted out from binging on alcohol waking up with no shirt on. its destructive and i have come to the point where i don't need to do that anymore. i dont know what i should do or feel. i really don't. i feel like i am in a position where i should maybe see other people and get a grip on what it is i really want. it is easy to say but hard to do, especially since i am a guy. i think the agressiveness that i am not needs to come out to push me out into the ocean of fishes and seek for another potential. ok as you can see with the records of my posts, i really have a problem with sleeping and i think that i need to at least attempt my slumber now so i get enough time for my next day of life.