Another night alone..

I came home from work today, watched the curious case of benjamin button and I drank an entire bottle of red wine from the philippines. I opened that bottle and was reminded of the life I was living a year ago. I bought that bottle of wine when I was in the philippines for a wedding for my exgirlfriends cousin. One year ago, it was nba finals time again and I remember just breaking up with my ex for the millionth time. This time we split, I could not take her constant need for answers. She just wanted to know what was going to happen. I didn't know what to do. So I told her I need time.. Even though I asked her for that she kept nagging me, "do you know what you want?" And I didn't. Although I didn't have a clue of what to do with our relationship, I caved in. We got back together. I really didn't want to but I couldn't see her suffer. She was so happy with me at her side. She felt safe in my arms, in my life. There was once satisfaction in seeing her smile but it disappeared a long while ago. I just didn't have that same feeling of love when she was with another man. I couldn't handle it. Some men can but not I. I still think about her, I still peep at what her away message on aim says, I still speak of her with the heartbreak I caused her and myself. I have so much life ahead of me. What do I do?? I have much time for myself but find myself wanting to give it to others. I am a creature of giving. I need for others to take what I offer. I can't.. I'll finish later
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