The emotional roller coaster continues..

So the feeling of the moment right now is pretty good. Its been more good lately than it has in the past couple months. I have really began to let go of my past and just look forward to the things to come.

As I have been saying for a while now, not on my blog to my friends and some of my family, I have been wanting to move to boston. It's a whole new city and a whole new life. I will most definitely miss all my friends and family but I think I am just looking for a change in scenery and people to spice up my life. I feel as if my life is getting kinda boring, not much excitement. At work today there was a list of the top hospitals in the US and one listed that popped out at me was massachusetts general hospital in boston. I got kind of excited so after my workout today I decided to take a look at the job opportunities there and there are a couple in line for me to jump at. The only thing is that I need to figure out what I have planned for my future. As far as I am concerned, all I am really thinking about is this coming weekend which is the big fight in Las Vegas. I will be attending with my old roommate and we will probably meet up with our other friends to hit up the clubs. So yeah, other than that I have not much else planned for the future. Everything else is kind of unorganized or half-assed. My career, vacations, and all other kind of stuff like this is just blah to me other than Vegas. But eh.. What to do. Anyways feeling good and am excited for the week.
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Hopeless love life..

Well first of all this is the first post that I will try and do on my BB via email. So far so good I guess but I'll check the results after I get done with what I need off my chest.

As I write this, I am listening to the album: So Far Gone by Drake. Shit is good..

Anyways as you can tell from the title I am kinda in a rut with the ladies. I feel as if every possible relationship I have been attempting to get into, it just doesn't work. I mean relationship following the one relationship that I have under my belt already.

In a previous post, that I may have marked private, I was developing something with "E". Well I think I again got my hopes up with her. I mean I always have my hopes up with women but just don't follow through for fear I will loose them altogether as a friend, acquaintance, anything to me really. Anyways, I have been there via text for her. Making her laugh, giving her support, love.. as a friend.. She is a complicated women as in all the women that I seem to get involved with. Anyways, I had dinner with her last night. Same ole shit kinda stuff we usually talk about. But this time we meet, I get this we should be friends kinda feeling. She walks through the door. I see her, I try and give her a hug and just end up patting her back.. Yeah.. I tried a simple gesture of care and respect but it seems as if she just wants our relationship to be at a distance. Oh well, I still care for her and will be what I have been for her. I just gotta stop with bringing my hopes up. With all women.. So yeah.

Another kinda heart breaker, is this chick "k" who is a chick I expressed some interest in and had nothing in return. Anyways, she's leaving our establishment and on a scandalous note in my eyes. I have been told at her going away party this past tuesday, she was holding hands with a recently married man, another co worker. Although his wifey is technically not here, its not right with the gestures she is giving. I mean I gave up on trying to hook up with her a while ago but whatevers..

The "scorpio" is a feisty one. She has a lot of baggage but all I gotta say about her is she tells me that I seems to always hit her up at and right times, like when she's down and stuff.. So I will just continue what I do with her. She is just down..

"C" is also a down chick but learned quickly that she is also one to play games, like mind games. So yeah, I think I'm over shit like that.

Kinda ready to get in the dating DATING scene. All I got are friends.. Things are just feeling hopeless right now.. But will get better I hope.
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been a while.. again..

so life has been just more of a solo flight for me lately. i have been able to do everything that i wanna do. just the thing is i'm still lonely. but i guess that comes with the territory of wanting this lifestyle. eh. i'm just so torn but on top of that i have great friends and family. im not alone, just missing that one person that meant the life to you. that significant other. that other half...

so i know i'm not ready to get into anything. that i am sure of. that's all i really gotta update.

other things going on in my life:
- upgrading my destiny (2006 honda accord =))
- planning a trip to euro (not for sure, but might as well be)
- camera researching (looks like the panasonic lumix lx-3)
- getting my music shit together (possible dj gigs in SD)
- slowly getting used to this lonely shit..

ghost of a good thing..

so it's april already. been a super long ass time since i seen her. feelings are so freaking strong still. i have not made my way to seeing other people. do i want to though? i think the fact that i ask this question means that i am not. but asking this question can also mean that i may not want to go back to the relationship. the spectrum of possibilities just make me so confused. so as i did last night, i am not ready to hook up with other people. because i know that i am not ready. its much better without any complications so i choose niether. its like i have a new notebook and i am in control of what i should right. this control is so new to me. its so fun. i can create and destroy what can happen in my life. i know that i had the ability before but its only now that i choose to focus myself entirely. its sucks though. there is nobody to share joy and sadness with. i can share it but its not like they will make it as if it were their own, like the one that you love. its rough without that other half and i miss it dearly.

the ghost of a good thing is a song from maroon 5 that reminds me of my feelings..

btw, the cure is the original emo