half empty day turned out half full..

saturday..

it's all happened so fast. a little more than a week ago, we were chillin in my aunties flower shop in HI. today we stand worlds apart.

i began my day with a lot of emptiness. i woke up missing her. but why? i did this. i knew it had to be done. i was not giving what she deserves. she is an awesome person. but i was traumatized by her actions of last summer. and i can not let that go.

so today i started to take her pictures down, and grabbing the stuffed animals she has given me. it was quite sad but i held back my feelings. when we were together she made me feel like the world was empty and it was just me and her occupying it. but i have to put them away because i would just be in denile. i am not with her any more and it would give me false feelings.

i needed to get my mind off this stupid break up so i went to the library at work and just studied. it helped a little and i did a lot of studying. what has been keeping my mind off of her is my awesome friend, we'll call her E. so with E i have been hella hella feeling her. she is just so freaking awesome. we have a pretty cool connection and we just talk about whatevers. its so comforting to just have a friend around when this kinda stuff comes along. i was that same person for her last year when she broke up with her man. =/ i am just being careful around her because i care about her and don't wanna step over the line if you know what i mean. i dont wanna put myself in a position that would make our relationship awkward or anything. so with her around i feel a little fulfilled. her text messages make me laugh and we just have fun with our innocent flirting and our constant support for each other. she has been a friend through and through. with all the breaking up and that me and my ex has gone through, she was there to say she would be there. being the stupid nice guy i am, i had stayed in the relationship too long giving false hope and making myself unhappy. it is truly hard to move on with such a long term relationship. with E as a great friend, i think i can get over this sooner than i expect it. parts of me wants to go and hook up with hella random ass folks and part of me just wants to tell E how i feel. what do i do? i have no answer but what i do know is that i am going to continue to be an awesome friend to her. and hope she finds a great guy, when she wants to have one that is. that great could be me. can it? hmmm.. im not cocky at all, just hopeful.. i know im not perfect and know what i can offer. just greatness varies person to person. and i hope what i offer is great, to anyone i give to...

so yeah, this day was alright.. thanks E.